It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
