Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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