I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
