I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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