I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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