It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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