Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your penis caused this!
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