Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You are a genius and a whore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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