The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
