I wanna bring you to show and tell
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
