Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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