Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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