i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
