Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
