i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
