New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
