i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
