woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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