Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
