He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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