She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
