I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
