there's paper in my vomit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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