So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
