How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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