on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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