Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
