Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
