dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
