Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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