he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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