I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
