What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
