it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
