I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
