Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
