Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize