His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
