Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
