it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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