Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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