my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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