ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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