bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
