so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
