i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
