just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
