Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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