She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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