I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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