I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
