i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
