I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
