she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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