So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
