After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
