he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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