I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
