You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
