onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
