eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
